true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
