I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
