it wasn't lemon gatorade
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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