i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
