Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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