Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I would ride that face into the sunset
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
