I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
God, I missed his penis.
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