Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
