Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize