i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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