I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
