If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
