is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
