The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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