My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
