He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
