Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
