my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
its liver damage thursday
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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