i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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