Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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