you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
