i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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