I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
How naked do you want me to be?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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