ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize