I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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