we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
