my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
