Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
