So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
