it was like his penis was on wheels.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
