Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
