I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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