we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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