it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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