You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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