I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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