I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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