If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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