I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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