"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
