You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
