4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
