the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
