I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
