opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
