The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Boobs speak an international language.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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