i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
