She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
