I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
