Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
