she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
