Moan for me like Helen Keller
farters have to be the big spoon...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
