it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
