I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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