I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
