I need help removing her.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
