Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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