Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
