yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
