Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize