God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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