You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
