Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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