Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
