I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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