She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
