do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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