I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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