Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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